Man Up Part 2

Then in December I had a major setback.  My son was entering the Navy and he had an expected date of  departure.  It had been set for December 15, the entire time of his DEP status.  Then all of a sudden, he got called December 7, and told he had to be in Tyler, immediately to report to duty.

No warning, just call, get here now, you are leaving for 4 years…

I crashed, I panicked, I lost all reality for my own life at that point in time.

I couldn’t handle it.  We had to go into “survival” (for lack of a better word) that’s not the word I’m looking for though) because David of course had nothing ready, legally or physically; he needed paperwork, financially, legally, etc, ready to go.

We were hustling around trying to get everything ready to go.

About an hour into this, the recruiter calls, and says, “I’m sorry,  You still leave next week”  OKAY!!!  Wow… Thanks!!!

Well that damage was done, there was no coming back from that one.  I was still emotionally spent.

We proceed on with that week, and I get a fretful call Wed night, I get a call from my cousin and my aunt (who, to me, is now Mom, since my Mom has died) and was told she has had a stroke and she has no cognitive responses, she’s paralyzed, the whole nine yards, that it’s bad.

I can’t get there until the next day to see her and I go in and I see a vibrant, beautiful woman, that loves to talk and be with people, not being able to bring a cognitive response from her brain to her mouth.  I was devastated.  I was so sad.  A part of my heart broke inside for her.  But not being one of her real children, I knew I couldn’t be there with her 24/7, even though I wanted to be.

I had to step aside and let her real kids do their jobs.  And they do it so well!  They are amazing to her!  I have the best cousins!  I couldn’t ask for anyone better to take care of her if I had to have someone to take care of her.

They are fiercely protective and always put her first.

However, I just wanted to hold her hand and be there with her.  I didn’t want to leave her side.  My heart was breaking as I left the hospital.

However later they determined she didn’t have a stroke.  God is amazing, and she has fully recovered and is now back in her own home and doing her own thing.

So with all this with David and all this with Aunt Glenda.  I was on overload for way to much emotionally.

I digressed.  I plunged so far back into my depression, it was scary for me.

My feelings were dark, and dreadful.  I couldn’t function, didn’t want to function but had to.

As David was preparing to leave, he made time for his dad, his brother, but none for me, and that didn’t help either.

So fast forward to Christmas.  My sister and I, her boyfriend and Paul all take a vacation together and it was perfect, I mean PERFECT bliss.

Too perfect.

When I came home, I crashed again.  3 days I laid in bed, I cried, I didn’t get up, I slept, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t function, etc. whatever,

It was typical manic depression.

I didn’t even go to church.  I didn’t want anything to do with it.

To be Cont.

Talk to me!!!

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