My Big But!

I got this idea from here

I just found this blog, but am already loving it!

 

For years I made excuses, yes, but… I’ll do this, but.. Not yet, but.. No but!

But, But, But

I was dwelling in my own insecurities over a possible failed marriage, the realization that I had failed as a parent and the fact that I was turning to the world to feed my insecurities.

I was reeling.. I’m not going to give details, but… (there’s no reason to give the details) I was sulking, and sulking big time… I was on the biggest pity party one could imagine.  I had been wronged, and I wanted everyone to know it.  The one person of all, the one that hurt me the most, my husband, was the one I lashed out at the most.  I hurt him so much during this time.  I know I did.  All because I was saying, But God….

Let me back up a few years

I knew exactly what God wanted me to do.  I was seeking, I was seeking hard for the answer.  I had started going to church a few years before that because I was so empty inside and I wanted anything to fill the void.  I found a lot in church, however, I never felt fulfilled 100%.

I kept seeking.

Fast forward…  the depression got worse, the anxiety got worse, I dove into work and my youngest son.  I poured myself into both of them.  Heart and soul.  I gave them everything I had.  I was still seeking.  For anything still.

Still finding nothing, I knew still that the questions were the same, yes God, but…

It wasn’t until David went to college and I was forced to medically retire and I was left with nothing but myself, and God, (isn’t HE funny that way!) that I began to really realize, exactly what He had been trying to tell me all those years.  That the Yes Buts would get me no where!

Until I fully submitted myself to His awesome and incredible power and grace, that the things and feelings that I was having were going to keep cycling and going on in my head.  I would never get to that point of eternal peace, that I wanted so bad!

I had to be broken.  God had to literally break my heart to mend my heart!  But isn’t He so amazing that He has the power to heal our broken hearts!

The life I knew, the pity party, the But God’s were over…

I had a new heart and a new life.  I was always a Christian, I just didn’t know how to LIVE as a Christian.  I’m still not there, and I have my faults don’t get me wrong.  The arguing with God is over.  I know He will heal whatever it is that comes my way.

I’m so thankful God broke me to mend me…

The word But is no longer in my vocabulary when it comes to dealing with God!

 

 

 

One Response

  1. thanks for always sharing laura!

    Like

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