My #SurprisedbyMotherhood journey is anything but pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I ADORE my children. They are the love of my life!
I am so honored to be their mother.
However, getting here, has been a journey of pain, agony, illnesses, hate, bitterness and then seeping out to being a helicopter mom, over-protectiveness and then just pure respect and love. Loving being their friend as adults
The back story.
I was born to two parent that absolutely adored me! However, they lost two children, one at the age of 8 in a car accident and the 2nd at the age of 28 to a completed suicide. My parents loved the two of us remaining, however, they also were very depressed (mom) but oh how she loved God. She put her faith in Him and she lived, knowing that it was #GodsPlans
My dad however, while a great dad, great provider, was hard to love. He didn’t show love, he didn’t show affection.
Mom and Dad both ended up crippled for life from the car accident, but they both worked their tails off to give for us and give my remaining sister and me everything we wanted and needed and then our kids also.
So while I had role models, their model was not a true identity of who they were. It was tainted. By life, by circumstances, by death, mostly..
Okay fast forward to me being 21. I married the first person that asked me. I thought I was in love with him. We fought constantly, we fought hard. He was a great provider, and when we did get along, we were fantastic. However, we ended up pregnant and then it was only downhill from there.
We split up with my oldest son was 3 months old I went home for several years. “Let” my mother raise my son, except when convenient me to be a parent. His Granny was the person he loved, he went to, and he looked up to as a parent. Not me. I was a passerby, they while I was there almost every day. I didn’t take an active role in raising him.
That soon changed. My mom was older and tired. So she said no more, to me. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. When Brian was 3-year-old and being abandoned by his father and had been by his mother except hen convenient for them, we realized, hmm how many emotional issues does he have. Hyperactivity (yes at 3) and as he grew, we also knew he was obsessive compulsive and oppositional (gee wonder why mom) and then dyslexic.
During this time from 3-5 for him, I also married again, got pregnant again (I will talk about that soon) and Brian was ecstatic, He had a parent that gave him the time of day. I moved out from my parent’s home and soon had to parent.
I learned hard and fast, just how hard it was.
Okay back to the pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant again. I cried, literally sat down and cried, because I did NOT want a 2nd child. I couldn’t put enough time into the first one, much less a 2nd one.
Also during that time, I ended up divorced again. *after only 6 months
David was sick from the get go. Born a month premature, also with lung disease. Born with sores all over his body from my water having broken early and not knowing it.
On the day of his birth Dec 21, I was alone. I had gone to a routine apt and they said we are taking him now, Scared, terrified actually (way before cell phones) I tried to reach my parents, my mom was gone to the zoo with all of her grandkids, and my dad working, and I finally reached him. By the time they did the C-section and I recovered, my aunt, my sister-in-law were there. They told me how beautiful he was, red hair blue eyes. Etc. But it was Christmas time, and this particular hospital NICU was on a different floor. I was not allowed to leave the floor without someone with me and he was not allowed to come up without someone with me (because of the C-section) I finally got to see my son after 5 days. (His daddy never showed up, because he never received the message that I had given birth)
Finally get to come home from the hospital, and let me just say that a newborn a 5-year-old hyperactive boy and I was given out. I made very bad choices in my life and not even a prayer to God for help, guidance and/or love I was lost totally.
By 6 weeks., David had pneumonia twice already and then ended up in the hospital.
This was my wake up call. To hear my baby in another room screaming from spinal taps, and IV’s and whatever else they did to him, I realized I had to wake up, be a parent and realize that my children needed to come first.
Then I get sick, with a devastating skin disease (yes there are those) and ended up with blood poisoning and was alone again and not able to parent right. My oldest son, was my lifesaver, he took care of David, took care of me, and took care of our home. He was amazing but just too much to be given to a then 6-year-old. But by this time my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
So in a period of 6 years, I got married, had a baby, divorced, sister completed suicide, married, pregnant, divorced, had a baby that was in NICU and then a baby that was seriously ill, I ended up seriously ill, and a mother terminally ill then got REMARRIED (to the 2nd one again) and mom died, then…,. Husband was diagnosed with leukemia.
For several months on end, my children again had no parent with them. They lived with relatives again.
Okay, fast forward 20 plus years. I am now the mother of 4 (my husband had two) and I am trying to be the best parent I can be. I am in their life, I am madly in love with them, and I am so proud of their adult lives and enjoy my children. They are such a blessing to me.
After years of learning disabilities, basketball games, cub scout and boy scout meetings and camp outs, and playing in the dirt, learning new things, struggling with chemistry, struggling with life choices, etc., my boys and daughter are the 4 blessings God has gifted me with that make my life so amazing
Then add in the 9 grandchildren.
I am so extremely blessed that my children still love me. I have broken the cycle that we were in as a family.
I am continually amazed and #SurprisedbyMotherhood
Because as the mother of adult children, I can honestly say that I am so proud and so in love with those 4 Gifts from God.
I cannot even put into words how much I love them
Now the book Lisa-Jo Baker’s book Surprised by Motherhood, teaches that all moms will be #SurprisedbyMotherhood. It’s what you get out of it, then give back that IS the gift.
Always He knits together what is separated, fractured, to create wholeness
I am encouraged by this book, but even more encouraged by the Gifts from God of motherhood, separation, reconciliation, and wholeness
It wasn’t pretty by any means, in fact it was downright dirty,
But now it’s whole, we have our issues, we have problems, we love deeply, but we love
Here is the trailer for the book Surprised by Motherhood. I give this book 5 stars… IF I could give more I would!
Thank you Jesus for the gift of Tara, Brian, Paul and David. Thank you for the gifts of my parents and for the gifts of teaching me what wasn’t right.
I may not can change what happened in their lives, but I can change what happens In THEIR kids’ lives to be that loving, kind, Memaw, that the kids can run to and take sanctuary is my #surprise
Because God gifts eternal forgiveness I know I can’t make it right, but I am forgiven.
Please get your copy of Surprised by Motherhood and know you will be blessed forever. Your life will change from the words written on the pages there. I have learned that no matter how messy it was, now it’s blessed by God and being a mom/Memaw is all I ever want to do
Purchase your copy of this book here
Get your sample of the first three chapters here
(copied from Lisa-Jo Baker)
Top 10 reasons moms are saying you should read this book:Because you need something to read when you are locking yourself in the bathroom for some quiet time – Angie click to tweet
- It’s a heart-to-heart from a friend who “gets it”- the hard, the hurt, and the heights of this mysterious messy miracle called motherhood. – Katie click to tweet
- Because no matter how old you are or how old your kids are, it still feels pretty fantastic to have someone tell you that motherhood (and you) deserve a medal, a superhero cape, and likely, a chocolate sundae. – Rebekah click to tweet
- Because it’s a reminder you’re doing holy work & also it’s OK to cry a bit when they get out of bed AGAIN. – Alia click to tweet
- Because sometimes you need your friend to sit you down and tell you that what you’re doing right now – all of it – will build the love in our kids. – Andrea click to tweet
- Because it’s better than fried chicken. – Kate click to tweet
- Our mothering either comes from our own mom’s or in spite of them – Lisa-Jo’s journey is a beautiful combination of both. – Susan click to tweet
- Because Lisa-Jo really gets it… she gets the whole loving your kids and at the same time wanting to throw yourself on the floor and throw a tantrum of your own. – Julie click to tweet
- Because Mom’s need a guidebook, to go with their afternoon chocolate, while waiting in the school pick up line. – Kashoan click to tweet
- Because in my crazy, try harder life, I need a reminder that I really don’t want this mothering thing to be over. – Lori click to tweet
– See more at: http://lisajobaker.c
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